The Man Whom I Miss by Nicole Meintzer

The Man Whom I Miss

by Nicole Meintzer

I remember your scent. The strong smell of Bruit Cologne was the first thing I would smell on bright mornings that came too soon. I remember waking up and seeing you sitting at the breakfast table waiting ever so patiently. Grandpa was never patient, ever. I remember when we would race while eating our meals, just to get me to finish my meal. I remember you used to use your strong, built legs and keep all the grand kids locked in between them; to the point where no matter how hard we were trying, it was impossible to break free. It felt like we were trapped in a dark dungeon or held captive. I remember every little thing about you. It feels like just yesterday I saw your tan skin, bright blue eyes, white as can be hair that never was messed up, and dressed in your fancy pants and button up shirt. I miss you, Grandpa.

Grandpa, I miss you more then anything. I was only a freshman when you passed away. You weren’t doing well the last year you were still on earth with your loved ones. You were in intense pain, couldn’t remember who people were, and barely could get out of bed. But some days were better then others. Like the day I walked into your room and your face lit up, how the sun brightens my room at six in the morning. I broke into tears to see how ecstatic you were. But yet, even on those bad days, you could manage to be positive somehow. I miss seeing your face, Grandpa.

I remember the day you told me that I was always going to be your favorite granddaughter. Yes, I was your last granddaughter, but I was more special then the other ten in your eyes. Or how you would always tell me that I was going far in life. How did you know that when I was so young? Maybe you were a physic. My goal is to achieve the standards you told me I could. I want you to be proud of who I am after four years without you by my side. I miss you being right there, Grandpa.

I remember every Sunday, Grandma and you would go to church. I would go when I stayed the weekend with you. I never liked going because it was filled with a bunch of old folks, like you, and smelt like baby powder and old people cologne or perfume. While I was being acknowledged continuously, you sat there trying not to engage with anyone. Grandpa, you weren’t a morning person. Church wasn’t your thing all that much either. You liked the social aspect and the delicious food they served after the service. But Grandpa, I’m a Christian now, just like you were. I believe in all the same things you did. I’m proud to represent you, Grandpa. I go to church all the time. Three times a week. You might not have enjoyed it, but I know you listened because you’d repeat something the pastor said. Man, I sure do miss you, Grandpa.

I remember how much you loved your freedom of speech. You weren’t allowed to drive anymore due to all the strokes you had that caused you to have slower reflexes, but you were determined to have your license renewed regardless. You made Grandma drive you to DMV, stand in the line that make you feel like you’ve aged immensely just waiting, and retook your test. You passed. Everyone was shocked and couldn’t believe that YOU passed the test. The family was scared you would try and drive somewhere after this event. You were a jokester like that, but this wasn’t a great time to be doing that. Grandpa, you’re one stubborn man. Thanks for passing down that gene to me. Grandpa, are you listening, I miss you.

I remember your favorite dessert. Butterscotch. Happens to be my favorite as well. I promised you I would make your favorite dessert when you came home from the hospital. Lying in the hospital bed, you looked so much better. Actually had color in your face and could move on your own. The doctors came into share the big news; you were coming home in a week! Finally the day arrived. I got myself into the kitchen and made that pudding proudly. Throwing the box on the cluttered counter with the biggest smile. I don’t think I could have been happier that I got to share the same dessert as you. I miss sharing our favorite dessert together, Grandpa.

I remember how into sports you were. I hated going to visit because you had to watch your sports. Sports were so important to you, especially football. Who watches football all day, every day? Old people, because they have nothing better to do. You never really had a favorite team. You watched every football game you possibly could. From 49ers to the Steelers. One day, I got hooked on football. I sat on your lap and lectured you about how I was more important. You “ignored” me and kept giving me hints on what was happening in the game. After a few minutes, I gave up and listened to your entire mumble jumble. Who knew, of all people, that I would get hooked on football? I miss football Sundays with you, Grandpa.

Lastly, I remember the day you passed away. You had just come home from the hospital. That was all you wanted; to be home when you passed away. It was two days before Christmas. Mom had just gotten off the phone with Grandma. Thirty minutes later, Grandma called again. Everyone knew. My heart stopped beating, my stomach twisted and turned, tears poured out but I had to stop them. I couldn’t let my Mom see me cry. I held her so tight, like how a baby would want to be held for protection I couldn’t believe this. It was just a joke, wasn’t it? My brother, Mom and I jumped in the car within a minute and drove to Concord, California. We were there in thirty minutes and spent the next three days with the rest of the family. Grandma was so happy. It was your time according to her. Grandpa, why? I think everyone was happy, because now you are with the angels and you’re watching over us. I miss you so much, Grandpa.

Grandpa, you inspired me in so many ways. I remember so much about you as if it was just yesterday you were here. You came into my dreams for the first time a few weeks ago. You told me how good I was doing and to keep pushing myself. I have a bunch of your qualities and I wouldn’t change them for anything. Your stubbornness, your intelligence, your Irish gene. You passed away, and I never understood why it had to be your time. But let’s be honest, I wouldn’t want you back in the condition you were in, period. You are in heaven now. Floating with angels, making miracles happen. Where you belong. Someday, I will see you again. I can’t wait to eat butterscotch with you again some day. I love you, Grandpa. I miss you more then anything!